Temporary tattoos are a touchy subject for many tattoo diehards. They are seen to be a bubble gum cheap and cheating way out for those who don’t have the gumption to commit to a permanent tat. In many ways, this is accurate, however temporary tattoos do have their place in life. In order for a first timer to be certain they want that design in that colour on that spot, it is often recommended that a temporary work up is placed of the design in different positions or even sizes before the final decision is made. It makes sense that you want to test out a tattoo you’ve designed before you commit to it. It also allows you to understand what it means to wear a tattoo and see how people’s perception of you shifts. Other reasons people choose temporary tattoos are less ‘honourable’, if you like, and much more trivial or shallow. You may want a design that matches that particular dress or for that one school reunion with your old school bullies, or for your mother in law’s fourth marriage. People decide to have a temporary tattoo for all sorts of reasons and these do not even touch on Indian weddings and henna tattoos yet. For, yes, there are genuine cultural reasons for temporary tattoos as well. There are many ways to temporarily mark your skin. Special markers have been devised for this purpose alone but there are also airbrush artists who will airbrush a design on for you, skin artists who will paint one on for you, several different types of temporary tattoo papers which you can dampen, peel or otherwise transfer onto your skin. Henna is a special case unto itself. Apart from the dangers inherent in the different dyes used in henna – some are poisonous and can damage your skin irreparably – some people are actually allergic to henna. Henna is a plant and the dye is made from the powdered leaves. There are internet sites specifically catering for the temporary tattoo seeker. They let you upload your design, and they send you temporary tattoos that you can then practice placing wherever you think you may want the permanent one. You can also try it out in different sizes. Even Microsoft provides a set of instructions on using their programs to create your own temporary tattoos – but remember to buy some temporary tattoo paper first. If you are not sure if body art is your thing, give temporary tattoos a try.

How far? How about as far as Russia. Now, we all know that in everything there is a boundary that must not be crossed. Call it bad taste, call it social madness, even call it outright wrong. Russians have found just such a boundary and boldly gone where no true animal lover could possibly contemplate going. The new trend first arose in Russia. While it may have occurred elsewhere before, never in recent history has any society embraced such an aberrant use of tattoo art with such openness and lack of shame. What is this horrid new fashion? It is the tattooing of one’s pets.Cat owners have taken to getting their felines tattooed with elaborate, colorful designs for no other reason than because they can. It is reported that one woman had her Canadian Hairless put under general anesthesia for three hours while an image of the boy pharaoh Tutankhamun was tattooed on its chest. Needless to say, this practice has animal right ativists in Russia spitting hairballs in fury. One spokeswoman of the movement has publicly condemned the cosmetic tattooing of animals, saying: “The ethical thinking about animals in Russia lacks behind that of the West. People in Russia mostly buy animals for selfish reasons and anything that happens to them afterwards is a consequence of that.” The reaction, however, is not restricted to the former USSR. The RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in the UK) has published its opinion on the matter also: “We are totally against using animals for purely cosmetic reasons just on the owner’s whim. Clearly the animal has no say in the matter. We do not believe in using pets as fashion accessories. It shows no respect for the animal whatsoever. So far we have only heard about this practice happening overseas – and we hope it doesn’t spread.” The tattoo artist who undertook the task is called Anatoly Keksel. The cat’s owner apparently “wanted something new and different for the times we live in” while Keksel proudly lifted up his shirt and announced that he had the identical tattoo himself.  It makes you wonder why he would want to share that information…

I had to chuckle. These two stories in the news last month each in its own way exemplifies why some people should, or just should not, have a tattoo. The first story takes place in Sweden. It stated that Swedish cops were on the lookout for five girls for assaulting a man on a bicycle… Yes. I did a double take too. What happened was that these five amazons purportedly dragged the hapless 50 year old off his bicycle, pulled down his trousers and ‘smalls’ and proceeded to sexually molest him. All this happened on 8 July in the town of Örebro, central Sweden. The local paper reported that one of the gang – described as 5′ 7″ tall and with “tattoos on her forearms” – grabbed the victim’s bike rack and pulled him to the ground. Having done the dirty deed, the girls then made off into the sunset. It is importantly noted in the report that the victim was neither ”beaten or physically assaulted”. Stating the bleeding obvious, a police spokeswoman described the attack as “downright unusual” while asking the public to report any similar incidences in the past. The second story took place in the English town of Hartlepool. This story also made me chuckle. A man appeared in court accused of flashing his penis at a female train guard. He was acquitted on the basis of a tattoo. Did I say chuckle? I meant howl… Hartlepool magistrates’ court heard at length the details of how Mr Barry Kenny, 28, of Hartlepool was drunk on a train from Newcastle to Hartlepool and lewdly exposed himself to a train guard of the gentler sex. Unfortunately, though, the woman neglected to mention the ‘distinguishing mark’ on his little man. Unfortunately for her, our Barry has a two inch long lizard tattoo running along his penis. Actually, what really happened was that Mr Kenny told the court his tattoo was seven inches long and had to alter his story somewhat when he was challenged and reminded he was still under oath. His solicitor managed to get the charges dropped, but only after Barry offered to show the court his evidence.